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Oh look, the sun is rising. Finally
Dec. 28th, 2004 07:36 amAhh jetlag. I have been up since 5. It is now a little after 7. I'm so glad I'm not an insomniac. There is just way too much time to be filled when one is not asleep.
I'm going up to Dad's today, just because well, I think I should, and what would I really do if I stayed here? I am not as enthusiastic as I once was however, as when I told him that I was coming up today, his first remark was that it's the most busy time and I'd have to be really supportive of Em, who will have to be working a lot, because all her college app stuff is due in by the first. To which I, rather hurt, and a bit belligerant (brought on in large part by the fact that I was forcing myself to call before crashing for the night), replied, 'Well, I don't have to come up then, if you don't want me to, and I can just come up after I get back from Canada many weeks from now.' But this did not provoke the response that I had hoped, because he actually said, 'Well, you could.' Beat. 'But no, come up. You might as well come up.' Yet another beat. 'We want to see you.' Well, that lukewarm reaction is almost enough to make a girl who is jetlaged and rapidly fading into depression just not go at all out of spite, and hurt feelings, but...since the alternative is about as bleak, up to Boston I go. I don't know. I can't think that it will be much fun, because I'll have 4 days of 'supporting' Em, and 2 and a half after she's turned everything in, and I have so much to talk about and show her, and all of that, and even in the best circumstances being stuck at Dad's having to be patient and not see her even though she's there and being stuck with 'the parents' does absolutely nothing for my mood, in fact tends to have a deteriating effect on it, so now that I am jet-lag, bitter, disatisfied and just generally depressed, it will be just wonderful. I know that I told her on the phone when she was first complaining about all her work, and saying 'don't expect to see me, or be able to talk to me, because I have to get everything done over break' that 'As little as we get to see each other, it will still be more than we do now, so don't worry about that.', but that is something much easier said when one is still in Japan and happy, and contented, and not bitter about pretty much anything that it is posissible to be bitter about. So yes. Not very much looking forward to this coming week. But I just have no better alternative. I don't know. I have a confession to make. I'm sure this will change once I've been able to actually spent time with everything, and am not so heartsick and all that, but lying in bed the thought occured to me.
I'm back here because I love everyone, and I want to be with them.
But maybe sometimes...the people aren't enough.
I'm going up to Dad's today, just because well, I think I should, and what would I really do if I stayed here? I am not as enthusiastic as I once was however, as when I told him that I was coming up today, his first remark was that it's the most busy time and I'd have to be really supportive of Em, who will have to be working a lot, because all her college app stuff is due in by the first. To which I, rather hurt, and a bit belligerant (brought on in large part by the fact that I was forcing myself to call before crashing for the night), replied, 'Well, I don't have to come up then, if you don't want me to, and I can just come up after I get back from Canada many weeks from now.' But this did not provoke the response that I had hoped, because he actually said, 'Well, you could.' Beat. 'But no, come up. You might as well come up.' Yet another beat. 'We want to see you.' Well, that lukewarm reaction is almost enough to make a girl who is jetlaged and rapidly fading into depression just not go at all out of spite, and hurt feelings, but...since the alternative is about as bleak, up to Boston I go. I don't know. I can't think that it will be much fun, because I'll have 4 days of 'supporting' Em, and 2 and a half after she's turned everything in, and I have so much to talk about and show her, and all of that, and even in the best circumstances being stuck at Dad's having to be patient and not see her even though she's there and being stuck with 'the parents' does absolutely nothing for my mood, in fact tends to have a deteriating effect on it, so now that I am jet-lag, bitter, disatisfied and just generally depressed, it will be just wonderful. I know that I told her on the phone when she was first complaining about all her work, and saying 'don't expect to see me, or be able to talk to me, because I have to get everything done over break' that 'As little as we get to see each other, it will still be more than we do now, so don't worry about that.', but that is something much easier said when one is still in Japan and happy, and contented, and not bitter about pretty much anything that it is posissible to be bitter about. So yes. Not very much looking forward to this coming week. But I just have no better alternative. I don't know. I have a confession to make. I'm sure this will change once I've been able to actually spent time with everything, and am not so heartsick and all that, but lying in bed the thought occured to me.
I'm back here because I love everyone, and I want to be with them.
But maybe sometimes...the people aren't enough.
